When Thinking Feels Safer Than Feeling

I pause the story and nothing tells me who I am. I am still here.

In my Womb.

intellectual, it all makes sense.

Figure it out and you will be safe- create a reason that feels like coherence.

It didn't happen that way. It didn't happen that way- there is a reason, just let it rise.

Everything will crumble- total collapse.

A victim. The one who is not safe.

The one who believes in monsters.

The one who believes bad things can happen.

The one that bad things happened to.

It hurts, You can erase it later.

When people hurt me.

Feel nothing. The buzz of pain hiding.

Terror, Fear

Alone and afraid

silent Colors

I pause the story and nothing tells me who I am.

I am still Here.

I don't know yet who I am without the story- but I can feel I am closer when I stop explaining.